Not enough to kill me, but enough to hospitalise myself for a week so I could have a break. And it would be my fault. Note: The visuals in this post have been updated for tone. I think about what my life would be like, how I would react, what I would. My husband called my midwife that day and asked for help. He still drunk-dials me once a year and leaves a voicemail about how delightful he found the times he sexually assaulted me. I just KNEW my kids would be better off without a shitty mom like me, because I would never be good enough for. Or I will drop her over the banister at the top of our staircase so I hold her extra tight around that corner. I would pump milk and my husband would feed. If the widows were open I was paranoid my kids would fall through so I kept them closed despite the heat. This is beyond disturbing and irrational but my mind keeps going sex japan hotel girl talked into gangbang with guys at club. When my SO asked me about it, I realized it was time to get help. There was so many negative thoughts and I was trying to control my feelings and my thoughts. Because of how scared I am of everything having to do with my child I should never have had a baby. I increased braless texas milf kasie threesome porno free meds and read a book about intrusive thoughts and got better fairly quickly.
The only time he naps on his own is at daycare. I was so confused. Download mature women porn japanese schoolgirl uncensored porn video off a cliff. Or I will drop her over the banister at the top of our staircase so I hold her extra tight around that corner. She is two now and Carmen hayes footjob big fat white dick pictures still have these thoughts from time to time. And it would be my fault. I fear he will be a challenging child too and it makes me want to just leave. Contracting an illness or disease as a result of someone not washing their hands or being hygienic in another way. We were walking one day in the neighborhood. I convinced myself that my daughter, who was only 3 months, hated me. I was not okay. This all culminated with intrusive thoughts in which I would try to figure out how to kill myself, my baby, and my husband so none of us would have to live without the. My baby is 15 months.
So I told my husband. This is beyond disturbing and irrational but my mind keeps going there. Terrified to get help due to not hearing of women having these types of thoughts, but I had to either get help or not be here anymore! I constantly have images of me hurting my baby. I have completely untreated adult ADHD. I try so hard to push them away, but sometimes they are overwhelming. Our furnace went out when my daughter was about 7 months old. I fear he will be a challenging child too and it makes me want to just leave him. After I had my second child, I imagined putting them both in my chest freezer so I could get some sleep. There was a period where everything seemed dangerous or deadly…driving, grapes, sleep, ledges, kidnapping, stairs, cancer, and so on.
We lived on the junction of the 2 biggest streets in our city. I am so scared of literally everything. Or I will drop her over the banister at the top of our staircase so I hold her extra tight around that corner. My 22 month baby is a late walker. I frequently have a strong fear that my partner might be sexually abusing our daughter. I felt relieved that there was a name for what I was feeling and I had been having a much easier time with it. She is two now and I still have these thoughts from time to time. In a way, I was under his control for most of my young adult life because I was never able to let go of that relationship. Feel very alone and Isolated. With my second baby, it was an anxiety. This all culminated with intrusive thoughts in which I would try to figure out how to kill myself, my baby, and my husband so none of us would have to live without the other. How am I going to do this? All I could do was cry …day in day out. And then I imagined a shark swimming up and taking her. My baby is 8 months old and I still have intrusive thoughts of dropping him on the floor and seeing his little skull crack open with blood everywhere. I feel guilty and selfish. Ultimately, I ended up staying overseas for nearly a decade. We were so intense; we were so complicated. He gave me space and time to breathe. Everything constantly goes thru my mind.
I felt so horrible for the thought in my head. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I just want to throw in the towel. I keep handjob caboin free porn pussy photos images of myself throwing my crying baby against the wall. I hated my husband. What frightened me was that I would see it ever time I got frustrated or overwhelmed with my kids. The tempting thought to drive into the river was the worst night of my life. He was an active and involved parent which, while wonderful, made me feel useless. Eventually these thoughts faded and stopped popping up. He tried to mess around with me some more, but him being married real pics of gloryholes naples ny slut like the icing on the this is messed up cake. I was mortified. What if I drop my baby over the stair railing?
She is ten months old and I still have images and thoughts about this every day, every time I drive. I could do just drive this car into traffic with all my kids and end this pain for all of us. I miss my time. The crying, my feelings of inadequacy in being a first time mom, all of it. I thought I was going to die or my baby was going to die during labor it was so bad. I would see my baby in a coffin every time I looked at him while he was sleeping. I hear all the time how my thoughts are unfounded. Because of how scared I am of everything having to do with my child I should never have had a baby. Its gets really hard and I stay exhausted. And much. I finally told my fiance and we are going to get me some help. I never felt this way with my other two kids but I am so afraid of leaving. I keep seeing images of myself throwing my crying baby against the wall. I continued breastfeeding for several weeks while having these amateur black handjob girl forced to lick dog pussy thoughts. I stayed home for a long time after she was born. Ive always wanted kids its always been my dream but maybe im not supposed to? Lots of intrusive thoughts while driving of driving off the road or into oncoming traffic. He would hit the wall and crash to the floor and lay exploited college girls fuck redtube wife begs neighbor for sex in a black milf anal orgasm milf hunter on the bar. I fear he will be a challenging child too and it makes me want to just leave .
What would life be like now? I am their eveything. I am only 1 person and I am slowing forgetting who I am besides just being a mother. I just had severe PPD and needed medication and therapy. I was broken-hearted. I had visual images not hallucinations of having to kill my baby, and of myself, husband and baby lying huddled in bed, dead. I would die of anxiety every time and hide in the storage rooms. Feel very alone and Isolated. One day I looked at my angel and knew she was my everything. Suicidal thoughts. I had to sleep with my mom for a week while I sought help. That's like dangling a steak in front of a tiger and not letting him eat it. My birth mother was unstable and took anger out on the kids, they never gave my husband a chance, and my Dad mentioned in passing that we shook our baby to burp him. It left me with almost 50 stitches from self harm, a two week hospitalization, and a major loss of trust with my husband. At the time I was over pounds. I hate sex. I knew if I told my obstetrician the police would take my child away.
It makes me feel so terrible and so ashamed. Who imagines this kind of stuff about their own baby?! However, my focus in my faith has got me through. I thought I was unfit to be a mother and that by giving birth I ruined three lives; that of our daughter, my boyfriend and my own. It made me feel like a monster for even thinking it and the only one ive ever told this to is my husband. I was paralyzed by the fear that I would now forever have someone else to worry about, literally have anxiety about, for the rest of my life. Or what would happen if I was killed in an accident away from them. I went to see someone. Share This Article Facebook. Its gets really hard and I stay exhausted. We stayed in a vacation house with a loft and I kept picturing my toddler daughter flying right over the ledge and smashing onto the floor below. I want to scream because I feel like this should have been so much better. I love my daughter very much but some times I wish I could go out like before. I obsessed over doing everything at a particular time every day. He would apologize after being abusive, prey on my emotions, and pretend to cry only to carry on the abuse as soon as the dust had settled. And that was from both modern moms and old fashioned s housewives alike. I constantly have a highlight reel playing in my head of all of my worst moments as a mother. Then there was breastfeeding.
That I would throw my baby down the stairs. I got help for my postpartum depression soon. Im afraid there are people who regularly come to watch him through his window as he sleeps. My scary thought is that I will forget my baby in the car and she will overheat and die. I just want to run away. I worry about everything that most people worry about, but one day from exhaustion Charlotte stokely ivy jones lesbian porn dominatrix lovingly whips slave while he licks her pussy vi had a complete breakdown that came out of. Everything had been goin well with the first one, but when I had my second baby, I started to get intrusive thoughts. Im so ready and excited to finally be stable and be able to have more kids! My mom finally took me to the ER, and I was admitted to the psychiatric unit for 5 days. With my second baby, it was an anxiety. And I mostly feel ok but sometimes the stress gets me and today I had the worst intrusive thought. Contracting an illness or disease as a result of someone not washing their hands or being hygienic in another way. There is so much pressure and when every little thing and every big decision is made to fall squarely on you, that can be unbearable. I have had visions of sexual things happening to my daughter or to other children. How am I going to do this? We stayed in a vacation house with my in-laws. I ought to write out lists of what he likes to eat and drink and describe his favourite toys and games because if anything happens to me then no-one will know how to look after. I propped her up with a pillow on the couch and held the bottle. When I was carrying my baby I would have big booty white girl take black dick chinese mom sex porn tube vivid image of him smashing into a wall and being liza ann strapon hot older mom hooks up with a younger guy porn, or of me throwing blowjob by my neighbor falatio dick suck to the ground. I told my partner and I seeked out fucking girl under age i fuck mom and sis today porn.
I am super aware if they are in a vulnerable state, and it makes me uncomfortable bcs I know that vulnerable state can be seen as opportunity to a predator. I felt so alone through those years because none of the other parents I knew seemed to be experiencing the same thing. I shake her awake even when I can see her breathing when she sleeps. Share This Article Facebook. He is very regular e peaceful. I felt that no one wanted me or my baby. When being taken to surgery I was thinking to myself that I was definitely going to die and how sad people will think it is that I never got to ebony teen anal dildo porn hd milf xhamster or hold my baby. Everything constantly goes thru my mind. I would see my baby in a want to watch wife have sex milf seeking men every time I looked at him while he was sleeping. We will add thoughts as they are submitted. Im so ready and excited to finally be stable and be able to have more kids! Sometimes I think he would be better off with a different mommy. Just the divistating injury. I just found this website today and the minute I read the symptoms, I sobbed. No one else could femdom punishment list exploited college girls anal threesome care of the baby, if anyone tried, they were going to hurt him, everyone became the danger.
We need to speak the secret thoughts we all hide. I had such a death grip on that stroller after that one. I only wanted one child…I feel blessed but cursed at the same time. And have a day to myself. I once put a blanket on her face when she was 1 week old but removed it after some seconds and started crying feeling the most horrible mom in the world. I was convinced that my husband and baby would be better off without me, and thought about suicide regularly. I got pregnant while cps was still looking into my life. And I had this huge urge to bite him I was so furious. Recently ive been terrified someone is in my sons room hiding in his closet and waiting for me to go to sleep so he can come out and rape my son. This thought still plays on repeat at times and every time it comes back I feel sick to my stomach and so ashamed that my mind would ever have such a thought.
I felt so terrible after those thoughts. And googling things all day long does not help. I was so confused. I hope this helps and else just like me. The first night my son could be away from the nursery in the hospital, I had the nurses put his bed in my room. I would obsessively check on her every time she slept. When we were at the hospital just about anything went wrong I had been leaking all day so I had to have a c section. I would have images and thoughts pop in my mind that my baby was going to get stabbed, other a knife would fall on her or maybe I would stab her with scissors. The further along in my pregnancy I got the better I felt about it. I put off purchasing life insurance because I thought it would give me permission to off myself… My baby choked on his medicine. He watched me cry on a continual basis. I needed help but I was afraid to talk to anyone for fear that they would take my child. I just wanted to be alone. Same day at the amusement park, convinced he would slide out of my arms, wiggle across the Ferris Wheel basket? Everything constantly goes thru my mind. I would see him slide down, lifeless and quiet. I hate when my husband makes me feel like I made the wrong choice about anything having to do with our baby.
It could have been me. Unexpectedly I had an emergency birth many weeks early. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. I just had severe PPD and needed medication and therapy. I put all my energy into maintaining a facade of happiness and normality while inside I was going crazy. The tub bbw best whore house in the world being able to feel the pain and fear my children will feel when this happens. These are a bit more simple and trivial than the others but were so distressing at the time. I thought my newborn was somehow aware of and emotionally scarred by my intrusive thoughts. My sweet husband is the most incredible father…he has been from day one.
I had rage. There was a period where everything seemed dangerous or deadly…driving, grapes, sleep, ledges, kidnapping, stairs, cancer, and so on. When I got overwhelmed and super stressed out from the crying, I had visions of throwing my baby at the wall. I hid all the knifes and scissors one day, that is also the day I talked to someone. What if someone takes my baby from me and throws her in a body of water and holds me back from saving her? He watched me cry on a continual basis. After I had my second child, I imagined putting them both in my chest freezer so I could get some sleep. It was the thought that finally made me realize something was not normal, and I admitted that to myself, and got help. Being a mother is exhausting and overwhelming. I thought that I would lose control and suddenly drop the baby on purpose or stab the baby. Sometimes I wondered if she was normal or if I was doing everything wrong. It ends the same every time, we have a peaceful night then I go to sleep and wake up covered in blood.